s.o.s.

I've had mono for almost two weeks now. My birthday is in 5 days. I have never felt so alone or miserable. Most of my days are spent trying to sleep, sweating off multiple fevers, choking on phlem, watching my family eat solid foods, and thinking of ways to off myself. I get very spiritual in these bleak situations, praying to gods I don't believe in. Is it just me or do people only pray when they want something? It's probably just me.