tucked in.

2008.

This is more than the end of a year. It is the end of a miniature lifetime of wandering and insanity. OK...maybe that's a stretch, but I am an adult now...bills and obligations.

I found myself this year. I am no longer a wreckless, fucktard fuck-up. Months of couch-surfing, traveling the country, finally settling up house in Brooklyn, one night stands, two month stints of lust and loss have led me to write this ode to sunshine on a FCI tuition bill envelope. (My poor computer. I have said many tearful farewells to my STD infested PC. Its demise has allowed me to let go of the bullshit past.)

Some things can and will never change. Credit cards are still evil. Men dizzily confuse me to no end. I will continue to dwell on the negative aspects of my single status until I find a poor sack to love and constantly nag.

I miss the things that haven't happened yet...

Thanks to everyone that put up with my obsession with hard alcohol. Mostly those that saw a flash of tit and tat. Those who were molested, offended, and called several times in the dim lit early hours of the morning. You know who you are. Please don't use those voice mails against me.

And thanks to everyone that kept up with the blog these several months. I had no set goals to accomplish. I just put down what goes on in my daily life. I hope it was decently amusing and inspiring. I hope it evoked more than a groan, crotch scratch, nose pick, etc.

I promise to be cooler in 2009.

-muse or myth

the road less traveled.

Had another fun filled Nada Surf 3-day weekend. They played amazing sets at Bowery Ballroom, Webster Hall, and Maxwell's (the roof on the stage has been patched). Nada played a lot of unheard songs from all five studio albums. The openers made me swoon instantly. I can't say enough good things about how dynamic Delta Spirit is. I'm developing a bit of a girl crush on Holly Miranda from the Jealous Girlfriends. To say she sings "well" is quite an understatement. Highlights include inpromptu after show acoustic sing alongs with Matthew Caws, Daniel Lorca, and Holly Miranda. They went out this year with a bang.

Next day, jetted off to Austin, TX with my girl wonder Katie. We stayed in good proximity to the world famous 6th street. The next fews days were a blur. I can't even begin to imagine how much alcohol we drank. It seemed a lot like breakfast, lunch, and dinner came with a side of tequila. The first night we scoped out downtown Austin and stumbled upon Emo's.

"Is that a tour bus?"

(We're not band sluts. We care about the music. It's hard to keep a straight face while writing that...)

We walked past one of the vans parked behind the Fishbone tour bus only to get lured in with the promise of candy and a good time. After numerous swigs of vodka from a paper bag, we made friends with Natives of the New Dawn. We were promptly put on the list and became merch girls.

Oh, and it snowed. In Texas. I'm convinced we brought it with us from the east, a pre Christmas present to our southern pals.

I met up with John from wmmf our last night. Whiskey was flowing like water. Katie had a few too many "vodka with a tiny splash of cranberry". Things got messy. People fell in love. There was a lot of early morning dog petting.

I loved Austin. It's laid back and liberal minded. People are polite and interesting. Having a drink before 5pm is totally acceptable. I'm looking forward to going back, maybe for SXSW or ACL. It is the live music capitol of the world.

trademarked.

I get annoyed when people make the claim "I don't like labels". I happen to like using labels to categorize people. Everyone is supposedly so fucking special and multifaceted. Using a few key adjectives to describe someone is natural and helpful.

Nouns. Adjectives. Verbs. Make complete sentences.

For instance, describing Jane as a "whore" lets me know she's promiscuous and has business aspirations. Describing John as "needy" lets me know I shouldn't bother flirting because he's a stalker, where as describing Mike as "a dick head" lets me know he's potentially available for one good night of hate sex and morning after awkwardness.

Categorizing yourself is fun but not equally as judging other people. Also, it's good to know who you think you are. Please understand that who you think you are and what others think of you could be the exact opposite. It really depends what karmic energy you're putting out into the universe. If you think you're Mary fucking Sunshine but you're actually the sick spawn of Charles Manson and Britney Spears, you might want to reevaluate your priorities.

I'm a huge pile of filthy liberal cow dung. Indeed! Hippies, flowers, peace on earth, animal rights...I'm into all that tree hugging shit. I'm also one sadistic little bitch. Words like macabre, free spirited, generous, analytical, and loud are agreeable. Psychotic, obnoxious, cute, and relentless are words not as liked, but are understood as an honest perception of myself.

The phrase "I don't want to be put in a box" is just plain ridiculous. To describe is to perceive and, therefore, attempt understanding and relatability. Generalizations get the initial job done. Friend or foe. I run for the hills when I hear "fundamentalist", others might when they hear "hipster" or "vegan".

I'm judging you and being pigeon-holed by you in turn. Let's deal with it and move on to more important issues. Like fucking each other.

breaking up is hard to do.

Was editing old entires last night and one in particular really stuck out...the one where I tenderly rip nyc a new asshole.

"I think I'm over New York. It's too comfortable and predictable. If we were dating, this would be the time in the relationship I would get bored and move onto someone new. With a nicer personality. And a better haircut." -July, 2008

Have things changed in the present months? I'm uncertain of how I feel about my surroundings. It's still comfortable and predictable. Gentrification is inevitable. Dating is abominable*.

On the other hand, it is my city (born and raised) and I should have some sense of pride. New restaurants, concerts, school, and old friends keep me occupied from full blown cynicism. I'll definitely be here for another 1-3 years. I should keep my loathing to a soft hum...wouldn't want to start a war with the neighbors.

A roadtrip is in order. Once again it is time to see what else is out there.




*Dating is abominable (brief synopsis): All the good and interesting ones are taken. But hey! Most of them are cheating. Right now. Probably with unsuspecting females like myself. Do you know where your boyfriend/husband is? Fuck it all.

sexual revolution: omnivore edition

"I cut meat from my diet and now I constantly want it in between my legs." -Anonymous

"We didn't need dialogue. We had faces!"

Yes, Halloween is technically a year away. However, I've been brainstorming. I'd like for a change to actually think of an amazing and scary costume. Last minute efforts tend to fall flat of their face. Example: this year. I was really digging my 70's dodgeball costume but it probably would have worked out better if I had more friends to join the theme. Right now I'm thinking:

1. a Marionette- Nothing is scarier than a doll. Nothing!

2. Bette Davis as Baby Jane from "What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?" (pictured below) - The only thing that can come close to being as frightening as a doll is an old, sadistic, alcoholic, ex vaudville performer still wearing little girl's clothing. The ringlets! The years of caked on makeup!

...see, dolls are creepy.

3. Gloria Swanson as Norma Desmond from "Sunset Boulevard" - Clearly decrepit bags of hollywood flesh really kick my creativity into high gear. Furthermore, I've always wanted an excuse to wear a turban.

"I'd like the coffin to be white, and I want it specially lined with satin. White... or pink. Maybe red! Bright flaming red! Let's make it gay!" - Norma Desmond

the promised land

I was a bad child on Halloween. That is all I am willing to divulge.

photo by Q. Sakamaki